New Year Post continued

I love Ali Edwards. Probably more than I should, I envy her life quite a bit because to me it seems like she has it all. You know? Like a comfortable house, wonderful husband, a great career. She is a fantastic mother, daughter, friend, and sister. She is successful and down to earth. She is also very humble.

So, I am in love with those qualities and wish for my life to be the same. On her blog, she wanted to know what our word for 2009 would be that would be the word to live by or represent us. One Little Word

For 2009, I chose Honesty.
Dictionary.com; (noun)

1.	the quality or fact of being honest; uprightness and fairness.

2.	truthfulness, sincerity, or frankness.

3.	freedom from deceit or fraud.

and honest; (adj)

1. Marked by or displaying integrity; upright: an honest lawyer.
2. Not deceptive or fraudulent; genuine: honest weight.
3. Equitable; fair: honest wages for an honest day's work.
4. 1. Characterized by truth; not false: honest reporting.
   2. Sincere; frank: an honest critique.
   3. Of good repute; respectable.
   4. Without affectation; plain: honest folk.
   
   
5. 1. Of good repute; respectable.
   2. Without affectation; plain: honest folk.
   
   
6. Virtuous; chaste.

But what does this mean for me? Why honesty? Why do I need to be honest? Am I a liar? Not intentionally, but I think I have lied to myself and thus lie to those around me.

I'm spending a lot of money to do a degree in order to get money. Is it something I am happy about, no. Is it a sacrifice, yes. Will I reap rewards from it, yes. But only that in money, not in pleasure.

This year I am going to live honestly. I am going to make sure that I am honest to myself first and foremost and if I find it hard then I have to examine why.

I have used this blog for years to journal my thoughts whether I have someone who pays attention or not, I journal it. Though I secretly wish I had followers.

I'm an avid idea lifter but have never given credit to those deserving. I also want to be an avid scrapper and have invested time and money into doing it, but have never really accomplished anything from it. I call myself a cellist, but haven't been able to play in years - mostly because of procrastination. I am way way way overweight and seem to have settled in, but still hating the way I look day after day without real gumption to actually do anything about it. There are many things I wish to be but can't force myself to get there. Even now, I shouldn't be forcing anything, but if I have to force it then I must not really want it.

I am not at a place where I am at peace. I want peace, and so the only thing I can do is to live honestly.

New Year Post #1

Welcome to 2009. Ahhhh. So nice to see you new year!

I blog lifted this from here

A. Attached or single? Attached.

B. Best friend? The hubster, mos-def.

C. Cake or pie? Cake – moist and scrumptious.

D. Day of choice? Sunday morning, just because it feels like the end of the week is wrapping up nicely, I can lay in and listen to my fav radio program, Sunday morning coming down. And of course my family and I get together and have a meal.

E. Essential item? Camera. Even though 2008 I didn’t take it with me enough, I’m changing that this year.

F. Favorite color? Blue – most shades. Don’t know why but it is calming and sexy at the same time.

G. Gummy bears or worms? Worms.

H. Hometown? I live in Titusville, but I’ve grown up everywhere. I was born in Enid, Oklahoma, but will one day call London my home.

I. Favorite indulgence? Dark Chocolate, mmmmmm.

J. January or July? January, it is the beginning of a new year!!

K. Kids? Just one. Sometimes we think maybe more, then sometimes we think not. If it happens it happens, if not I’ve got the greatest 10 year old ever.

L. Life isn't complete without? Music. It is always on in my house and we all play something from cello to guitar to ipod shuffle.

M. Marriage date? April 24

N. Number of brothers and sisters? 1 brother, 3 step-brothers. But we’re not close, none of us.

O. Oranges or apples? Apples, oranges are gross and they are everywhere here. I have two trees in my backyard.

P. Phobias? Lots of people scare me. It is hard for me to do Christmas shopping or be in a big city, and yet I want to live in London. I can’t be where it is too crowded and chaotic, like shoulder to shoulder chaos. Well, except for the dance-floor.

Q. Quotes? Life is full of things to be passionate about. From a card sent to me from my BFF after throwing her a kick-ass bachelorette party. I can’t really get into quotes. I am sure they are powerful and stuff and can help if you need something to help guide you on your way, but to be honest I live to the beat of my own drum and do what I want when I want. Not that I step over people, I kindly say excuse me before passing them by, but I don’t need a quote to do that. Now people interest me.

R. Reasons to smile? I’m funny as all get out, seriously.

S. Season of choice? Fall! Because it gets cooler in Florida.

T. Tag 5 people. Maybe I will, maybe I won’t.

U. Unknown fact about me? I’m not sure that there is one. Oh wait, if I am in the room with people and there is someone there who is just as funny or funnier than I am, I quiet up. No one likes a one-betterer.

V. Vegetable? Summer squash is delish grilled.

W. Worst habit? Nagging and worrying. The one happens because of the other ya know. I start to worry and so I nag, or I nag and then begin to worry that I am nagging.

X. X-ray or ultrasound? Um, because?

Y. Your favorite foods? Indian curries are scrumptious, spaghetti is always as favorite, barbequed foods, foods grilled, tilapia, sushi.

Z. Zodiac sign? Sagitarius/Capricorn. Apparently I’m on the cusp of both. So I guess it just depends on the day.

#219

I am sick as a dog, where the hell that phrase ever came from ??? I hate being sick, but I'm having a pretty good day so far, listening to by far the best alt. country program EVER.  Sunday Morning Coming Down  I like Real Radio Music Weekends anyway, and I really wish that 104.1 would stop playing the monsters on Saturday - they are disgusting enough and talk about absolute shit, they could fill those 5 hours with classics or interviews or live sessions... come on... this is the only program that makes me want to buy a radio just so I can listen to it.  Infact, I'm going to buy one with a tapedeck and start recording SMCD so I can listen to it all the time!!

Anyways, I'm in the Martha mood.  I'm lookin round my house thinking we did pretty good at keeping it tidy this week!  My "office" looks like a paper bomb hit it.

I'm working on a new art project.  Hope it comes out ok.  That's all I got.

#218

"I am now a grown up."

Tonight I was making the familia spaghetti bolegneseseses and looked in my drawer of cooking utensils and saw so many appropriate things. Now that I am officially a homeowner, I am endlessly trying to find things to connect to that make me an adult. Ya know, the kind of adult that acts like an adult and looks like an adult. Did I mention that I still look and act 19? Well, I probably look my age - 31, but I act like I'm 19. Which means that I would have been 9, if I were really 19, when I had my daughter. But ew.

the following items were contained in my drawer; wooden spoons, wooden spatula things, metal spatula, metal pasta thing, metal rounded thing with little holes in it that I use for making my world famous onion rings, ladle, slotted spoon, and various other cooking utensils. I don't know why this makes me feel like an adult, but it was a warm fuzzy feeling.

My bedroom is still a mess as well as my desk as well as my head. But I digress. I'm sure by the time I am 40 I will have mastered the folding and putting away and picking up of things and not stashing them in ubiquitious piles everywhere.

or not.

#217

A new day. It all started last week when America changed courses and truly became a new nation. I became joyful and angry over the week following and now on this Monday it is just another day. No more election stuff, people have moved on from their joys and sorrows about the election, and I am once again plotting a new course in my life.

I always thought that my life was very serious and full of drama. But the truth is, I've always led a very small and simple life because I knew exactly what I wanted. I still do, but it hasn't been easy to get. I keep getting distracted. like now... more later

#216

I have recently discovered that clutter and messy makes me unhappy. I also shut down when things are cluttered or messy. My house is a big mess right now and i haven't wanted to do anything, because it is overwhelming.

I know I need to organize, but God only knows what and how that will happen.

I haven't written on here in a while and it sucks. But it is hard to maintain so many blogs.
I am trying to de-clutter where and when I can, but it is still hard to do. And I hate having yard sales, I will go but I do not want to sell. Most of my stuff ends up at a charity shoppe.

I have a lot to do today, I think I will make a list.

August the 3rd is a big turd

I have always wanted to live in a big city ever since I was 9 or so. I used to dream about running away on a greyhound and moving to NYC.

I met my husband and went to london for 5 weeks and was glued to the city.

I want more.
I live in a deadbeat uncultured town with too many skel'tins still left in closets. Sure I'm all for home town and small, but this ain't it. I'm from small - try to find hillsdale OK, that's small.

So, I long for the big city. But the big city has such a reputation for being expensive and dirty and mean. Our plans, the hubb and I, have always been to move back to the UK when the kiddo heads to college. I of course, would love it if we went back sooner. Sending her to European school would open more doors for her later on in life, but since I share her with my ex, it doesn't make that part easy to move.

So, I will wait for another 8 years until I can wave goodbye and head to the UK/London, Paris, Amsterdam with a smile.

One month at a time

How music effects our lives, so interesting.
Then, add some art or illustration to it, and it becomes like amniotic fluid and surrounds us like a cozy sleeping spot or a suffocating bob for apples type experience. And it comes out of no where.

I think a lot. Possibly too much. And when left with my own devises, I become unmanageable.

I am consumed with worry about money. Not just having it but also getting it and keeping it and spending it. I hate money. It is the cause of so much worry.

This is my curse. I don't want Babylon, I want to live peacefully without need, and yet the needless actually need the most.