love made me this way

Um... its November already...

2010-11-04T13:18:00.001-05:00

Did you realize it? I mean, I probably should have realized it because the month started on a Monday for cheez and craskers sake.

Can I just say I look darling today? I don't normally look darling, but today I do. Blue and black are such a nice combo together. Now to get this hair of mine done and out of the way. I think I'm going to go short short short.

Is short hair good for rolly pollies like me? Prolly not, but I don't care!!

Dinner

2010-10-20T08:39:00.008-04:00

Last night I made Chicken Parm, my own recipe! We had it with a side salad and then homemade apple cobbler for dessert made by girl. Recipe to follow...

Chicken Parm:
5 to 6 chicken breasts pounded flat
1 cup breadcrumbs
1 cup flour
1 egg
1/4 cup milk
1 cup Parmesan cheese, divided
1 to 2 cups mozzarella cheese
1 tbsp italian herbs, dried
pinch of sea salt
olive oil
Jarred Tomato sauce
Pasta

Preheat oven to 450.
Start pasta according to directions on the box, minus 1 minute cook time. Once the pasta is done, drain and put into a deep casserole dish. Pour tomato sauce overtop and set aside.
Mix in bowl egg and milk. Set aside.
In a flat dish or plate, add 1 cup flour. Set aside.
In another flat dish or plate, mix together 1 cup breadcrumbs, italian herbs, 1/4 cup parm cheese, pinch of salt. Mix with a fork. Set aside.
In a deep frying or saute pan, heat up 1/2 cup to 1 cup olive oil, medium to medium high - not too hot or the chicken will burn.
Drag chicken through the flour, then egg wash, then breadcrumb mixture - both sides.
Place chicken in heated oil about two minutes each side. Place chicken ontop of sauced casserole dish, repeat.
Sprinkle parm cheese over all the fried breasts and then follow with mozerella cheese. Put in over for 15 - 20 minutes (if you don't want your cheese brown, cover with foil.)

Apple Cobbler
(Modified recipe from Sur La Table)
Filling
7 Granny Smith apples, peeled/cored/chopped into 1 inch pieces
Lemon Juice
¾ cup (6 oz) firmly packed light-brown sugar
1 tbsp unbleached all-purpose flour
1 tsp ground cinnamon

Topping
½ cup unbleached all-purpose flour
½ cup old-fashioned oats (do not use instant)
½ cup firmly packed light-brown sugar
½ tsp ground cinnamon
¼ cup olive oil

Cut up apples and throw them in a bowl, sprinkle with lemon juice for every apple - stirring to coat.
Add the sugar, flour, and cinnamon, mix well.
In a seperate bowl, mix flour, oats, brown sugar, and cinnamon together.
Drizzle in the olive oil.
With a fork or a pastry blender or a food processor, mix together.

In a pie pan/dish, pour in the apple filling.
Top with the topping and spread to coat.
Cover with foil and put in heated oven for 40 minutes.
Remove foil and put back in for 5 minutes to toast the topping.

Voila.
Delish!!

Perspective: Shelter

2010-10-20T07:27:00.003-04:00

There are many songs out there about shelter, and there are many people out there struggling to keep shelter and to find shelter. This is a great indie documentary titled, Shelter.

SHELTER from jason sussberg on Vimeo.

16mm color film. 6:43 min.

Lloyd Kahn claims that shelter is more than a roof over your head. As the author and publisher of over a dozen books on home construction, Lloyd has been grappling with the concept of home, physically and psychically, for over five decades. Situated in the financial and housing crisis, this film profiles Lloyd's ideas on do-it-yourself construction and sustainability.

Dinner Tonight

2010-10-12T16:31:00.007-04:00

Bourbon Glazed Pork Loin

Roasted Potatoes, Asparagus, and Garlic Cloves

Cherry Cobbler

Sounds delish right?

I'm a cheater.

This year, well what's left of it anyway - I'm trying to say good-bye to eating out and hello to making dinner from scratch. My dinners are evolving though. Tonight, the Bourbon glazed pork loin is pre-packaged! I know I know! What am I thinking all those ingredients... bad girl.

Well, whatever. Next pork loin I'm doing this recipe!

http://www.afarmgirlsdabbles.com/2010/08/02/grilled-pork-tenderloin-with-peach-glaze-and-orange-habanero-mojo/

Um DELISH right?

So that is totally on our menu for October! Plus I've got some habanero that is almost ready to be picked.

Yea! I do love the sound of roasted asparagus and potatoes with garlic, depending how it tastes tonight - rather. I wish I had some fresh rosemary - but it just hasn't grown as much/well as we had hoped!

I'm also making a pumpkin bread tonight I think. I tried to make a vegan bread for a friend of mine, but I just can't figure out the flax to egg ratio - although I did try it with agave syrup from Ohgave! and it was BLAH the worst ever!!!!! Maybe I will make the pumpkin bread without eggs and just use flax!

Ok... well I'm out of dish wash tabs...

SAIPUA

2010-10-12T11:42:00.004-04:00

Know how you browse... ya know kinda just browse and not look for anything in particular - just want to see what your favorite blogs are up to?

Today I found SAIPUA

Via Sunday Suppers old blog.
Can you say gorgeous....

Losing myself

2010-09-11T10:20:00.002-04:00

I didn't think I would be giving up so much by letting others into my life. I'm feeling Life Burnout.
I don't have friends, I have takers.

I say its time for a new chapter. It's time to turn the pages. Or to grab a new book completely.

Journey. Walk. Whisper. Stop. Listen. Move.

Empowering words from my soule. Let's see if I will listen.

been gone a long time

2009-07-19T23:20:00.002-04:00

its a cool night here tonight.
the storm has hovered in our general direction all night and I don't want the weekend to end.
my favorite part about the weekend is that it seems never ending, and yet it always does.

my ac is off.
i am happy for that, for the time being
my tea has gone cold, and i am having an old lady moment wishing i had a cup warmer nuzzling my tea like a fleece blanket.

i am wishing to be sitting on a blanket watching the moon over the ocean.
my favorite adolescent pasttime.

i am feeling 32.
i am dreading 33.
i am wondering about 35 and if those goals i have been trying to accomplish for the past 10 years will ever come to fruition.

i find myself reading more and liking and missing it all at the same time.
i find myself talking to myself, in my head, like a book is read and it is annoying.
and yet i want to write, but have nothing to say.

i want to hole up in a french apartment with bougainvillea's climbing my terrace and sipping tea with an old antique type writer snapping away.
i want a day job that requires me to wear an apron and know very little french.
i want to be Collete.

i am so silly and stupid headed sometimes but i am ready for my next book, my next escape.
i can't be a gypsy in the real world anymore, for a while at least - but I can be in my books.

tada.

New Year Post continued

2009-01-02T11:53:00.001-05:00

I love Ali Edwards. Probably more than I should, I envy her life quite a bit because to me it seems like she has it all. You know? Like a comfortable house, wonderful husband, a great career. She is a fantastic mother, daughter, friend, and sister. She is successful and down to earth. She is also very humble.

So, I am in love with those qualities and wish for my life to be the same. On her blog, she wanted to know what our word for 2009 would be that would be the word to live by or represent us. One Little Word

For 2009, I chose Honesty.
Dictionary.com; (noun)

1.	the quality or fact of being honest; uprightness and fairness.

2.	truthfulness, sincerity, or frankness.

3.	freedom from deceit or fraud.

and honest; (adj)

Marked by or displaying integrity; upright: an honest lawyer.
Not deceptive or fraudulent; genuine: honest weight.
Equitable; fair: honest wages for an honest day's work.
1. Characterized by truth; not false: honest reporting.
2. Sincere; frank: an honest critique.
3. Of good repute; respectable.
4. Without affectation; plain: honest folk.
1. Of good repute; respectable.
2. Without affectation; plain: honest folk.
Virtuous; chaste.

But what does this mean for me? Why honesty? Why do I need to be honest? Am I a liar? Not intentionally, but I think I have lied to myself and thus lie to those around me.

I'm spending a lot of money to do a degree in order to get money. Is it something I am happy about, no. Is it a sacrifice, yes. Will I reap rewards from it, yes. But only that in money, not in pleasure.

This year I am going to live honestly. I am going to make sure that I am honest to myself first and foremost and if I find it hard then I have to examine why.

I have used this blog for years to journal my thoughts whether I have someone who pays attention or not, I journal it. Though I secretly wish I had followers.

I'm an avid idea lifter but have never given credit to those deserving. I also want to be an avid scrapper and have invested time and money into doing it, but have never really accomplished anything from it. I call myself a cellist, but haven't been able to play in years - mostly because of procrastination. I am way way way overweight and seem to have settled in, but still hating the way I look day after day without real gumption to actually do anything about it. There are many things I wish to be but can't force myself to get there. Even now, I shouldn't be forcing anything, but if I have to force it then I must not really want it.

I am not at a place where I am at peace. I want peace, and so the only thing I can do is to live honestly.

New Year Post #1

2009-01-02T11:12:00.001-05:00

Welcome to 2009. Ahhhh. So nice to see you new year!

I blog lifted this from here

A. Attached or single? Attached.

B. Best friend? The hubster, mos-def.

C. Cake or pie? Cake – moist and scrumptious.

D. Day of choice? Sunday morning, just because it feels like the end of the week is wrapping up nicely, I can lay in and listen to my fav radio program, Sunday morning coming down. And of course my family and I get together and have a meal.

E. Essential item? Camera. Even though 2008 I didn’t take it with me enough, I’m changing that this year.

F. Favorite color? Blue – most shades. Don’t know why but it is calming and sexy at the same time.

G. Gummy bears or worms? Worms.

H. Hometown? I live in Titusville, but I’ve grown up everywhere. I was born in Enid, Oklahoma, but will one day call London my home.

I. Favorite indulgence? Dark Chocolate, mmmmmm.

J. January or July? January, it is the beginning of a new year!!

K. Kids? Just one. Sometimes we think maybe more, then sometimes we think not. If it happens it happens, if not I’ve got the greatest 10 year old ever.

L. Life isn't complete without? Music. It is always on in my house and we all play something from cello to guitar to ipod shuffle.

M. Marriage date? April 24

N. Number of brothers and sisters? 1 brother, 3 step-brothers. But we’re not close, none of us.

O. Oranges or apples? Apples, oranges are gross and they are everywhere here. I have two trees in my backyard.

P. Phobias? Lots of people scare me. It is hard for me to do Christmas shopping or be in a big city, and yet I want to live in London. I can’t be where it is too crowded and chaotic, like shoulder to shoulder chaos. Well, except for the dance-floor.

Q. Quotes? Life is full of things to be passionate about. From a card sent to me from my BFF after throwing her a kick-ass bachelorette party. I can’t really get into quotes. I am sure they are powerful and stuff and can help if you need something to help guide you on your way, but to be honest I live to the beat of my own drum and do what I want when I want. Not that I step over people, I kindly say excuse me before passing them by, but I don’t need a quote to do that. Now people interest me.

R. Reasons to smile? I’m funny as all get out, seriously.

S. Season of choice? Fall! Because it gets cooler in Florida.

T. Tag 5 people. Maybe I will, maybe I won’t.

U. Unknown fact about me? I’m not sure that there is one. Oh wait, if I am in the room with people and there is someone there who is just as funny or funnier than I am, I quiet up. No one likes a one-betterer.

V. Vegetable? Summer squash is delish grilled.

W. Worst habit? Nagging and worrying. The one happens because of the other ya know. I start to worry and so I nag, or I nag and then begin to worry that I am nagging.

X. X-ray or ultrasound? Um, because?

Y. Your favorite foods? Indian curries are scrumptious, spaghetti is always as favorite, barbequed foods, foods grilled, tilapia, sushi.

Z. Zodiac sign? Sagitarius/Capricorn. Apparently I’m on the cusp of both. So I guess it just depends on the day.

#219

2008-11-30T11:03:00.002-05:00

I am sick as a dog, where the hell that phrase ever came from ??? I hate being sick, but I'm having a pretty good day so far, listening to by far the best alt. country program EVER. Sunday Morning Coming Down I like Real Radio Music Weekends anyway, and I really wish that 104.1 would stop playing the monsters on Saturday - they are disgusting enough and talk about absolute shit, they could fill those 5 hours with classics or interviews or live sessions... come on... this is the only program that makes me want to buy a radio just so I can listen to it. Infact, I'm going to buy one with a tapedeck and start recording SMCD so I can listen to it all the time!!

Anyways, I'm in the Martha mood. I'm lookin round my house thinking we did pretty good at keeping it tidy this week! My "office" looks like a paper bomb hit it.

I'm working on a new art project. Hope it comes out ok. That's all I got.

#218

2008-11-18T21:18:00.002-05:00

"I am now a grown up."

Tonight I was making the familia spaghetti bolegneseseses and looked in my drawer of cooking utensils and saw so many appropriate things. Now that I am officially a homeowner, I am endlessly trying to find things to connect to that make me an adult. Ya know, the kind of adult that acts like an adult and looks like an adult. Did I mention that I still look and act 19? Well, I probably look my age - 31, but I act like I'm 19. Which means that I would have been 9, if I were really 19, when I had my daughter. But ew.

the following items were contained in my drawer; wooden spoons, wooden spatula things, metal spatula, metal pasta thing, metal rounded thing with little holes in it that I use for making my world famous onion rings, ladle, slotted spoon, and various other cooking utensils. I don't know why this makes me feel like an adult, but it was a warm fuzzy feeling.

My bedroom is still a mess as well as my desk as well as my head. But I digress. I'm sure by the time I am 40 I will have mastered the folding and putting away and picking up of things and not stashing them in ubiquitious piles everywhere.

or not.

#217

2008-11-10T09:50:00.002-05:00

A new day. It all started last week when America changed courses and truly became a new nation. I became joyful and angry over the week following and now on this Monday it is just another day. No more election stuff, people have moved on from their joys and sorrows about the election, and I am once again plotting a new course in my life.

I always thought that my life was very serious and full of drama. But the truth is, I've always led a very small and simple life because I knew exactly what I wanted. I still do, but it hasn't been easy to get. I keep getting distracted. like now... more later

#216

2008-10-25T13:27:00.002-04:00

I have recently discovered that clutter and messy makes me unhappy. I also shut down when things are cluttered or messy. My house is a big mess right now and i haven't wanted to do anything, because it is overwhelming.

I know I need to organize, but God only knows what and how that will happen.

I haven't written on here in a while and it sucks. But it is hard to maintain so many blogs.
I am trying to de-clutter where and when I can, but it is still hard to do. And I hate having yard sales, I will go but I do not want to sell. Most of my stuff ends up at a charity shoppe.

I have a lot to do today, I think I will make a list.

August the 3rd is a big turd

2008-08-04T10:04:00.002-04:00

I have always wanted to live in a big city ever since I was 9 or so. I used to dream about running away on a greyhound and moving to NYC.

I met my husband and went to london for 5 weeks and was glued to the city.

I want more.
I live in a ~~deadbeat~~ uncultured town with too many skel'tins still left in closets. Sure I'm all for home town and small, but this ain't it. I'm from small - try to find hillsdale OK, that's small.

So, I long for the big city. But the big city has such a reputation for being expensive and dirty and mean. Our plans, the hubb and I, have always been to move back to the UK when the kiddo heads to college. I of course, would love it if we went back sooner. Sending her to European school would open more doors for her later on in life, but since I share her with my ex, it doesn't make that part easy to move.

So, I will wait for another 8 years until I can wave goodbye and head to the UK/London, Paris, Amsterdam with a smile.

One month at a time

2008-07-07T11:13:00.002-04:00

How music effects our lives, so interesting.
Then, add some art or illustration to it, and it becomes like amniotic fluid and surrounds us like a cozy sleeping spot or a suffocating bob for apples type experience. And it comes out of no where.

I think a lot. Possibly too much. And when left with my own devises, I become unmanageable.

I am consumed with worry about money. Not just having it but also getting it and keeping it and spending it. I hate money. It is the cause of so much worry.

This is my curse. I don't want Babylon, I want to live peacefully without need, and yet the needless actually need the most.

Just a little over a month

2008-06-04T07:45:00.003-04:00

Since my last post.
I've been spending a lot of time on my photography blog and various photog websites and forums.

But it has got me thinking about why I am spending so much time. I feel like taking a break from the computer and just shoot. My disadvantage right now is my noncollection of lenses. Lenses are expensive, but I can rent them.

Anyways, I just received Ali Edward's newsletter this month and I love it. I love her attitude. She is a designer that I really enjoy because she is very down to Earth and focused. She has a cute project on her blog that I'd like to try. I have tons of photos that I am doing nothing with that I think I might do with this.

Anyway, I have to go in for an ECHO this morning. Sumzing isn't right.

My challenge this month to myself and others who read this blog, is to just do it. What does that mean? Well, I have to confess that I am a perfectionist. This means that I have to get it right the first time or I just won't do it. And if I don't think I will get it right the first time, I won't even attempt. That has been a huge hurdle for me to overcome. Infact, I am still dealing with it. It is very hard for me to make a mistake and to accept defeat and then to have to learn from them?? OMG, kill me!!

I get very uptight and prideful when my intelligence is challenged, even though most of the time it isn't. I just get defensive, even with myself. So this month, my challenge is to just do it. Drag myself through the sludge of perfectionism and high expectations that hold me down. It feels kind of like The Never Ending Story when Atrau and his horse have to walk through the swamp of despair. You've got to make it out, you've got to look at your challenges and get through it. I promise it will get better. Though I have no reasoning why or experience, I have to say it so that I will believe it.

Take care.

So I was thinking

2008-05-02T12:14:00.002-04:00

It has been a long f'ink time since I've posted.
I've been spending most of my time on my new photography blog, preparing for a business conference where I'm teaching, and moving. Oh yea, and disputing with my former landlords. Man am I glad I'm a homeowner now.

Anyway. I'm just chillin, but not like a villian.
Scoping out some new tunes and styles and I was thinking.
Where does music end? I mean, have we broken the international boundries of play? The Beatles became the first international band to have huge acclaim all over the world, the US has pretty much dominated the scene. But then I started thinking about the US and how we are so closed minded, at least a huge percent of the population. We rarely ever get news on the goings on past our own borders, why would or should music, film, or art be any different? Not that I'm playing good cop bad cop, I love what the US produces, but I also think that there is so much talent here that it is hard for us to seek out other great works. That is unless you've been to those other places, which again isn't common for most Americans.

I have to admit, that I have had a stigma on some countries where I've heard music from before. I've been to Mexico and been serenaded by Mariachi bands and I've been to Holland where the music is pretty low key too, that was until we camped 2 feet away from some Italians in Zeeburg and listened to music instead of sleeping... not by choice. But I had never heard Italian House Music (not dressing) before then, I went right out to HFV in London and bought some. It is definetly in my play list. But there really aren't lyric in house music, its just good shite to dance to.

I want stuff I can hear, well that has words. Then I found the brazilian girls, which is a mix of French and American lyrics to technolikedance music. I found them a few years ago, love them still. Just recently, whilst listening to one of my favorite podcasts, indiefeed, I found ten:fifteen which is a alternative indie band from Cuernavaca, Morelos Mexico. I can't understand a damn thing they are saying, but the tunes are sweet. Then of course there is Yelle from France, who is gaining US acclaim. Very well she should be because her songs are off the f'ink rocks. I love it. Again, the language barrier has no impact on my listening to it. But these are just a few of the groups who are making there ways into the US giving us a taste of music outside our box with different flavor and style.

I'm sure the Internet along with Myspace has helped this movement, but are we there yet? Have we really broken the boundries?

PS
I'm an e-zine whore here.

Holy Moses

2008-03-18T19:55:00.003-04:00

We own a home now.
We've bit off a lot, and had to make some changes; some wanted some not needed, some we had to do. All in all I'm satisfied!

I haven't had time to take a shit it seems like. The last time I made a blog entry was 2 weeks ago, then I only get online on my husband's iMac. I don't even get on mine. I haven't been to my office in over a month!! I can't believe it.

I'm dead. I've got no energy, I haven't been eating right (junque food queen) and my daugther has FCATS which I hate. So. I'm a homeowner and in less than a week we will begin moving in! I'm excited. If I could, we'd live there RIGHT FREAKING NOW.

BTW, Hana caught the ball with her neck last week. That was hilarious. I shouldn't have laughed, but if you knew my kid you couldn't help it either. I wish I had a photo of it, it was memorable to say the least! Hey, there's one way to get an applause off the field, use your neck to block a kick on the pitch.

I hope to update my other blog, the one I thought I needed for the house.
http://quartersnickelsdimes.blogspot.com/

UFO's and Tall Tales

2008-03-08T07:51:00.003-05:00

Is it even possible for me to have my own life? I think not.

I've committed myself to things that I just can't do!!! Oh well, that is life! And because my mission this year is to simplify, then I will be removing myself from a lot of commitments so that by the end of the year I only have 3; family, self, job.

Oh, and we're moving.
We're home owners of the first kind. So amazing that I have grown up. I've started a new blog on my decorating of it (yea right simplify) called Quarters Nickels Dimes. It will be my plight to become an organized citizen will be blogged here.

Well, other commitments keep me from posting any more. But if you are a friend and wonder just where the heck I've been!! Love ya and talk to ya soon!!!

Dear Ezra

2008-02-28T01:22:00.002-05:00

They *are* still better than you.

So I was flipping through iTunes at 1am bitten by insomnia bug and decided to pick up a couple of my favorites from my teen years the early 90's. Grabbed a few Toad songs, Gin Blossoms, and then hit the Better than Ezra link - they are still rocking.

Sorry. Had to be said. They are cute as hell and let me tell you, they are still good. They have a CD out they are touring, and I think they have their work cut out for them. It isn't the 90's anymore, but I think they will fair well.

I bought it. You should to, no seriously, do it dammit. NOW. Go check out their cutie pictures.

Yummy.

oh...so loving this american life on npr and showtime - check that out too.

We're shrinking

2008-01-21T18:04:00.000-05:00

Well, not yet. But we're looking at it.

We've got our eye on a place and since our lease is up in April, halfway into April and we've decided not to stay, we're a lookin!

Photoblog

2008-01-07T12:50:00.000-05:00

Yes faithful readers, I'm doing it.

I'm going pro. I don't normally share the photos I take because the have all been so personal, but I want to try something new this year. 2008 is my debut and for that I will be offering FREE photo sessions to help build my portfolio, yes FREE, I know it sounds to good to be true, but it isn't. Really. Oh and a photo-cd is only $5. Yep. $5 smackaroos!

Take a Look-See!
http://juscowlandphotography.blogspot.com

The end of time and some lists

2007-12-30T12:12:00.000-05:00

We have one day left until 2008. This is the time people like to get together to talk about all the failures they had the past year and create a list of new failures to endure in the new year. No I'm just kidding. But seriously, when people make resolutions do they even keep to them? I mean there are the normal lose weight eat better quit smoking blah blah blah. Then there are the charitable ones from the selfish people. Then I'm sure people who want a closer or tighter functioning religious affiliation want to go to be at their establishments more and I'm sure the list goes on.
I've got my list.
I'm not normally a list maker, but I've got one.
I've been pretty cynical last year, well this year as it hasn't past yet. One of my goals isn't to not be cynical, just to stop being it so much about myself. That would be great. Since this is a personal journal ONLINE available to be read by millions if not trillions of fans - I think the boring self destructive banter has gone on long enough. 2008 is the year for observations and silence. There are a lot of negative thoughts going through my head a lot of the time, hence the self-destructive behaviour. So, that is going to be tapered a bit.
Another thing is dwelling. I'm going to try to stop dwelling on my failures and just live. I'm not a happy go lucky positive person by nature or by force - so I can't really expect jubliance for the sake of it. Just to be able to move on. That would be nice.
Lists. I'm going to write more lists and keep them I think. I'm not a list maker. I hate them, but I do believe they serve their purpose. I'm such an unorganized person to begin with so the fact that I can sit down and write out a list and then follow 80% of it is pretty amazing. But I want to make more. So.
Music.
I swear I thought I knew my husband. He put Lincoln Park on his itunes playlist. OMG I wanted to throw up. I couldn't believe it. As I looked further, I noticed he also had nickelback. Again, disgusting. Not that I have anything against sellout musicians, but I've longed given up on radio air-time to introduce me to the new and talented. These people aren't talented. They are pretty and rhetorical. The music is catchy and so are the tunes, but they got no guts no fantastic riffs no emotion. It is crap basically. So last night we were up late late late and I was introducing him to the world of great music. Just a sample mind you, but the basics. Obviously we don't have a lot of time, but I need to help him understand what is good music and what is shit.
Also. On the music topic. I am going to continue to branch out myself even more. This year I am going to dedicate to going to more shows and playing more myself. I have a cello and I will use it again!

Man, this is getting long winded.
I'm calling it quits for now.

Ah... Christmas...

2007-12-27T23:49:00.000-05:00

This year was a great one. I mean it truly.

I think the absolute best part of it was that my daughter was more excited to give the gifts this year than to receive them. My birthday is 4 days before the big day and as a kid I felt let down, but as I have gotten older my birthday celebrations have gotten better. Now I am not interested in presents, just good times.

I took the 21st off (my bday)
I woke up to my husband making a breakfast of hot wheels waffles and scrambled eggs, yummy.
All Hana could do was lavish me with kisses and hugs and a huge great smile on her face. Within minutes of sitting down she's almost falling off her seat with the giggles and smiles. Finally she says to look over at the fire place! And there is sitting a wonderful present! A new bike! It is awesome, it is a bubblegum pink Schwinn cruiser with white wall tires. It was a fantastic gift! We spent the day watching the new movies that had come out and having dinner with my mom who gave me some awesome earrings and step-dad who picked up the bill. It was a fantastic day.

Christmas Eve was no different. My family came over, we had catered Indian food and lots of fun playing Apples to Apples! And of course lots and lots of presents!

Christmas morning was pretty cool too! Santa came to visit and brought my daughter a new gaming system and my husband his own bike, plus I got a helmet for my bike!

We spent today buying Shanee a helmet for his bike and having my butt kicked riding a trail. It was a good day!!

Holy crap... I almost shat myself...

2007-12-17T16:36:00.000-05:00

I'm such a child of the 80's.
I was totally in love with Steve Perry from Journey, not to mention all the beautiful music.

The Philippines have birthed a new Steve Perry. Since SP left the band, it has never been then same. But apparently this guy has spent his entire life being Steve Perry, and you almost CAN'T tell the difference... almost. And, Journey just signed him as their lead singer. UM, can we say comeback tour.

HOLLA

I can't wait until tight acid-washed jeans, white high-tops, jean jackets, and feathered do's come back... oh along with jellies, white rimmed sunglasses, crops, united colours of benetton, wham, debbie gibson, madonna... wait, WTF??

a girl can dream can't she?

I heart Issuu

2007-12-17T13:40:00.000-05:00

Jose Gonzalez has a fro

2007-12-14T10:58:00.000-05:00

and I'm at war within myself.

i don't belong in this suburbia.
i belong in a rustic urbanite area where i have to walk to get my food
where my daughter goes to school with minorities and not where everyone is white or fake
i belong to not be involved in my family to be a loner
i belong to the girl inside me outside my fat suit and my fake clothes where my addictions should be on fashion fun art and music not food and poor self worth
i belong to myself.

just like with anyone else who has ever had an addiction i spend too much time thinking how much better i will be when i am blah blah blah. how i just know it. and so i invest all my time and energy on these things and fail. and i don't care that i failed, yet. i just assume it was false advertising of the product. when in reality i should just be doing what i love and not fighting inwardly. in ward lee

i dont.
i dont want more kids.
i want people around me to have more kids and for me to be auntie. auntie justiss is what naheem calls me, little adorable naheem.

when can we go back to england mommie.
when mommie can break away from work we can.
never.

mommie.
your the best mommie ever.
i'm living a lie.

mommie.
i love you.
i love you too, i wish i could love myself enough.

too much hate in this fucking world.
too many cities trying to pose themselves as the best city in the world - here we'll show you, look at all the new development of gingerbread houses all customizable to our specifications for your fake family with your fake cosmeticdentistry smiles. oh what is that, you want to upgrade to the ginormous suv because you need to spend money on everything - ah it is your right youre right. leave me out of it.

i want to be sitting on a rooftop in a lawn chair.
hangin at the beach cuz i can.
eating a can of beans outside my tent.
hangin with my kid on the tube in london.
having smashing sex with my lover.
not thinking about my failures.

though i suppose.
i will probably think about how everyone must think i am a failure because i am not responsible in this obvious imaginary life.
black is my new color.
wearing ties again and black eyeliner
black fingernail polish with my silver rings

the incredible shrinking me
this is a whack post.
what the fizznuck is my problem
jesus.

shut the hell up will you
not until you let me out.

ok ok ok
im working on it.

I made it to 200 posts!

2007-12-03T23:46:00.000-05:00

Happy 200!!

Holiday Tradition List

2007-11-27T08:30:00.000-05:00

This is in response or addition to Ali Edward's post. http://aliedwards.typepad.com/_a_/2007/11/holiday-traditi.html

Holiday traditions for us have been skewed and every year we seem to make up new ones whilst trying to honor old ones.

I'm not Martha or Susie Homemaker, but this year I want to have those little extras around. We're moved into a house I am very proud of. Soon it might be ours and I'd like to do more entertaining in it. This year to help fulfill that goal, I am hosting a cookie party, not exchange :) We are going to pick from an enormous list of cookies and bring a set. I will make everyone a cookie recipe book, which I need to start getting supplies for.

I guess I would consider that a new. So following in behind Ali, here is my ongoing list - which I have a hard time keeping...
Old:
Singing Christmas lights
Baking Mini Pumpkin breads to hand out to friends
This is only a few years old, but since Thanksgiving is so close to Christmas, we forego the big traditional meat and potatoes for a more cultural experience. In the past we've had chinese, mexican, and italian. This year we're having Indian Catered.
Christmas music in the house EVERY NIGHT
Christmas movies every weekend

New:
Hosting Christmas dinner at our house for Family.
Caroling
Live Tree
Holiday Decorating Challenge (Since I am the one hosting this year, we are separating into teams and going to decorate each room only purchasing items from the Dollar Tree or Thrift stores, possibly might add discount stores as well.)
Making my own Christmas Cards to send
Making Christmas ornaments to hand out to guests, which is an idea inspired from here. I made a few of them and gave them to my step-mom before they left for Maryland this past weekend.
Another new one is to spend time with Shanee's family who we've just found out lives in Orlando, not 45 minutes from here. I think we will definitely have to plan on doing something with them this year.

So far, so good. I think I will be updating this list every year, thanks Ali :)

Ciao Bellas.

I feel blah...

2007-11-19T14:09:00.000-05:00

Ever felt that way?

Today is a blah day for me. Having ADHD as an adult sucks. The reason why I feel blah is because I am overwhelmed. In my head. I have so many things going on that I can't concentrate on anything. I can't even find a way to break it down. I thought it would help if I opened up the house but because there is a new development of houses going up, there is a lot of outside noise. This just adds to my head noise. And of course my craft table is a mess. I should really just clean up. Do something, and be done with it. That will help clear my head.

The other thing is that I don't know what to do about our housing. I'm being sort of selfish here. But on the other hand we really have to start thinking about stuff. I mean I might get laid off... while this could most definetly be a blessing in disguise, it certainly doesn't help our housing situation. And I'm not rational or logical in my thinking. We live in a really nice house that has a lot of potential. We could buy the house we are leasing, but we might not be able to afford it in 2 years if I get laid off and we might not be able to sell it because I won't be the only one to get laid off. However, it is so close to my daughters school she can walk or ride her bike. And her school is AMAZING. We don't want her to go anywhere else. Then there is the other issue of what if's. I can't afford to be this responsible, I'm crap at it.

So needless to say I can't concentrate on one thing, the studio is a mishmess and I need to get my act together :)

Ciao bellas.

Not sure how I feel right now

2007-11-09T09:38:00.000-05:00

I just got a call from my dad. My grandfather is in the hospital and it doesn't look good. I would call someone to talk, but no one is available - even my mom who doesn't like that side of my family - isn't available. I can't talk to my brother, he doesn't give a shit about them either.

I shouldn't either. I'm not crying but I want to. I don't think it is because he's going, I think it is because of what he missed out on - us.

When my parents' divorced I was 13 and my brother was 10. It was very hard for my brother and I. My mom went kinda crazy, my dad and her fought more than ever. We became very poor and were evicted out of our house, we didn't have a car, we could barely afford food and believe it or not my mother didn't qualify for food stamps back then. We made it, obviously, but with no help from my dad's side of the family. No one ever called or offered to get my brother and I and feed us, to help us, to spend time with us. My grandmother at one Christmas told me, when I took an unopened present to her and asked if it were for my mom, she told me that my mom would never be gotten a present again nor was she ever welcomed there. They are very traditional and even though my dad was killing us financially with a gambling problem - they could see no problem. Anyways, that was my life. No help. We went to my grandparents when my dad was around and we felt like the adopted children who know one really wanted. Of course, we've always been welcomed back with open arms, there was never any remorse or any effort made on their end to include us even though we are related by blood.

Great now I am crying. And I have a meeting in 12 minutes.

Buck up Jus. They lost out, not you.

OMG and NO I JUST DI'IN!!

2007-11-08T17:54:00.000-05:00

This will be a double posting 4sure.

Folks, I got my Ikea catalog today.
Ikea Orlando opens Nov. 14th.
I am super duper excited!

I can hardly wait!

Whoo Hoo!

Childhood Dreams

2007-10-23T10:31:00.000-04:00

Remember when you were little and all you wanted to be was a [fill in da blank].

I actually wanted to play football, basketball, volleyball, and throw the discus. I did most of my highschool years except the football part. But I secretly wanted to be in a roller derby. Not only so I could legally knock the shit out of someone, but because it was being the most rock'n bad ass bitch in the WHOLE WORLD. See, secretly I also wanted to be Debbie Harrie and Joan Jett and Chrissie Hynde and well, Madonna. Come on I was/am a child of the 80's!

Now roller derbying for me has become just that, it allows me to pretend to be all that I can't be in real life.

I haven't started yet, but I think I have found my motivation for dropping at least the first 100 lbs!

DAMNIT!

2007-10-23T09:48:00.000-04:00

I'm getting cable. I'm not telling my family either. Shhhhh

Note to self...

2007-10-21T20:51:00.000-04:00

Do not use entire 16 oz bottle corona xtra in chicken soup.

Notice I said use not drink.
Yea, talk about some drunk chicken! hahaha

Seriously, my soup tastes like beer. Ew.
Not so much next time!

I really like...

2007-10-16T13:04:00.000-04:00

Talking.

I used to have my own podcast, but haven't posted much because I've been SO BUSY. But I'd love to talk to you, do you have an interesting story??

Tell you what. I'm in the developmental stages of an art project (definition: I've got an idea) and I would love to know your perspective on it.
The project is about our perception of women and their bodies and how they got their perception. I'm not talking about why they are fat or skinny, but what they perceive. Here is an example. When I look in the mirror, I see an elephant... no it is true. But when I shop for clothes I am astonished when I find I have to buy a bigger size, it is almost as if I am in denial. And I believe EVERYONE is skinnier than I am. Tell me about you, what do you think?

Here is what I am looking for:
Women between the ages of 18 and 110
I stress WOMEN only
I can block your call if you are mean or derogatory in any capacity.
This will be in the form of a live call OR a message that you leave.
Our conversation may be 1 minute or 1 hour it all depends on the time I have.
The number will be listed for 2 weeks (10/16/07 - 10/30/07) and then removed.
Be prepared to be open as all I may ask of you is to be open.
Tell me where you saw this.
RULES:
By calling this number you agree to allow me to podcast your story.
Please do not give me your name I want this info anonymously, but do tell me how old you are and where you are from, I am collecting info on different areas as well.
If I think you are younger than 18, I will definitely hang up on you and block your number.

margaret cho is even talking about it!

Here's the Number
321-252-4137

Goals in Life: Simple and Daring

2007-10-11T21:52:00.000-04:00

Lose 150 pounds: sidebar-join WW
Get Graphic Design Cert
Photograph Professionally
VISIT Europe often; preferably Norway: sidebar-host walking tours
Renew my Wedding Vows and have my first wedding
BE MORE CONFIDENT IN MYSELF
Edited 10/13/07 5:39pm
Become a Bradley Birthing Instructor

Re-edited 10/13/07 5:40pm
A reader asked (you'll see in the comments) three questions:
1) When do you plan to start each goal?

A: Hmmm, hadn't thought about it really. I'm not really a planner so it is hard for me to plan anything. But I'm coming to the realization that I have to, I can't fight it anymore!! I guess planning would mean that I might need to order them...

2) Can you arrange these goals in order of priority?

A: This is a hard one too. I've always been a, "I want it and I want it now" (kinda like Veruca Salt) kinda girl, so when I say I am going to do something, I normally just do it or buy it or what have you. I've been able to be selfish, now I can't. I have a family and what I do affects us all, we're not just starting out - but it is a long story...

3) How will you know when you have achieved these goals?

A: When I have them. I guess, when I can see the results. For instance, I will have reached my goal of becoming a Bradley Birth Instructor because I will have gotten the certificate. I will have gotten this by means of studying and 'interning' for a year, attending a class, taking exams, and then receiving my diploma and thereabouts being noticed by the board that I am indeed able to teach as a certified instructor. But now that I think about it, I guess it might really be more of an internal issue. I mean, even if the Bradley board believe I am qualified, does that make me an instructor? Probably. But will I feel like one? IDK. Same with becoming a professional photographer. I'm not sure what I can say to put the goal to an end. Which is funny because I am a business process analyst... I have to see the end!

I have to get back to you on these, but I promise I will!

I've come to the realization

2007-10-09T13:16:00.000-04:00

I'm a big fat liar!

How come I always want the opposite of what I don't want... I keep saying, oh, no more kids for us, oh we're big enough. But yet, in my heart all I want to do is snuggle with my babies... ya know the ones I don't have.

I love my hannerbananner to bits and pieces. If we started having kids now, they would be SO FAR APART. She's 9. We thought about adopting, then we said we liked having our freedom. Hana's dad isn't my husband, he's the ex. So you know, we share her. It is sickening really. I wish I could have her all the time and then sometimes I pray for the break.

But WTF.

I mean, who is this person inside me that keeps clutching her uterus saying, I want more! Am I really ready to give up the freedom of having a 9 year old that I share, and go straight for the juggler? Are we ready to do that? My daughter will leave my house when I am 40! I will still be young!! Do I want another set to deal with? Big families are expensive and time consuming! Can I do it? Do I want to? Cuz once they are out, that is it!

All I can think is that it will tear our family system to shreds and I will love every crazy chaotic moment of it! We will definitely need a bigger house...

Mask

2007-10-05T06:47:00.001-04:00

Laser rejuvination my ASS!

2007-10-03T20:36:00.000-04:00

I know in my previous post, I was all lotty dah over being nicer and crap, but JESUS H Christmas! WTF is this? Laser Vaginal Rejuvenation Institute of Los Angeles

ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTING!!
http://girlistic.com/blog/blogs/index.php?blog=2&title=laser_vaginal_rejuvenation_insitute&more=1&c=1&tb=1&pb=1

Who is their market? What studies did they do? I wonder if they do female circumcisions at the same time for half-price! Kegels don't work, neither does jogging!!

That's it! I've had it up to here (*standing very tall on a very tall ladder*) with doctors! Who do these guys think they are? Oh boo hoo, if it ain't good in bed, perhaps it's you you FI!

Can you tell I am mad!??

REJUVENATE THIS BITCHES!

Where's.your.head.at...

2007-10-01T19:54:00.000-04:00

What are you doing tonight? I've just finished playing glass checkers with my awesome soon to be 9 yr old.

Been thinking lately, about my attitude toward life. I've become this cynical meanie really. And really the truth is that I am a happy person who's lost a bit of control over her life and that puts me in a very awkward position. I've let somethings get to me and instead of realizing all the things I should be thankful for, I've just been focusing on the crap. I've done a lot and should be proud of them.

[inspired by: http://online.wsj.com/public/article/SB119024238402033039.html]

My intention is to start finding something everyday to be glad about and proud of.

I've changed my blog too. A way to make it clean, fresh, and new!
xoxoCiaoxoxox

Is it wrong?

2007-09-24T16:57:00.000-04:00

I mean seriously.

We heard that on a commercial this weekend driving to St. Pete (one of my favorite places in FL). "Seriously." WTF is that supposed to mean?

Anyhoo. Is it wrong to not want to be June Cleaver? Or to not have a career. Sometimes when I go to work I think, why do I torture myself so? Why do I continue to put on the facade when I'm really not that chick in corporate clothing? Where's the pink-headed punk who looks like she's got no ambitions? Am I going to be that crotchety old lady who hates everyone cuz life fucking sucked for her because of her choices?

I don't want to be her. She's a bitch. I'm not a bitch... well... all the time. I'm pretty much happy. I thought with my etsy shop I would be happy. But the truth is I haven't got any damned time. Truthfully all I do is pout.

I need a break, with pay :)

My husband pretty much has an awesome job, which we could live off his salary. But NOOOOOO, we actually have to HAVE things... like a home. Dammit!

I'm going to see Morrissey. Oh yes. I am.

Baby, it's time to go to bed

2007-09-14T23:43:00.000-04:00

I was purusing some websites, for nothing really other than procrastination!

I happened upon a website my hubby did for a client/artist turned friend, Beverly Osborne.
You know sometimes when you really want something and have no idea where you'd put it?

I haven't talked to her in a LONG LONG TIME. I'm really bad about seeing my friends. I'm such a hermit!

Soon, very soon!

Just a couple of things...

2007-09-13T06:45:00.000-04:00

Wee early in the morn'n 'ours and my husband is on the phone with his bank in the UK. They've not done something he's repeated told them to do... send his credit card to the US to be collected. I really hope they don't do this to people on holiday who've lost their credit card. And I'm sipping a very nice cup of tea!

A couple of things.1. I wish I could read faster.
I am trying to read the comments from Bill Maher's guest blog @ Huffington Post
I would like to be able to read all my fun emails in the morning too before work! That way I wouldn't have to come home from work and try and sift through them. News is old after 10am.

2. I'd really like to have a butler who's specialty is making tea in the morning.
That is all. He doesn't have to clean my mess, just when ever I ask for a cup of tea, it just appears on a silver platter.

3. Does anyone know how to take off those fish symbols from the back of a car?
You know, the plastic thick ones that wouldn't come off if a laser was pointed at it? When we bought the car, used, it came with a Jesus Fish. I liked the irony of it. My husband and I would think of ways to be creative with it. Anyway, we want it off now. We've had the toyota camry for 2 years and it is time to move on. We'd just like NOT to ruin the paint on it.
Any suggestions?

-kisses-

A is for Atheist, Apple, Aggravate

2007-09-09T07:55:00.000-04:00

I've put this scarlet A up on my blog. But I'm not sure about it. I don't know if I completely agree - why a scarlet A? I'm actually proud to be an atheist, I don't mind telling people when asked. But, isn't this just another US against THEM thing?

This country is so whack. I'm ready to move the hell out of dodge.

I'm all for religion - IF THAT IS WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY. What I am not for is it being SHOVED down my throat. I took the best class in my entire life from a retired Methodist Preacher. But do I really want to be associated with a bunch of tyrants yet again? I don't know if they are or aren't tyrants; I'm pre-judging probably. But what I would like is freedom.

I have always wanted to petition for a license plate that depicted the freedom of choice we are all given; whether is be my freedom of life or death, religion or not, etc. Now it appears there is a Pro-Choice plate for Florida to be released soon:

www.licensetochoose.org

I'm not sure that I am satisfied. I don't think it should be a, "Well if they can have one, we can too - it's our right" I think we're not looking at the WHOLE picture. It is my RIGHT for many things; to believe or not believe, to do or not do, to live free from discrimination. But the honest truth is, until we are accepting of each other FULL STOP, the fight won't change.

A few years ago I met up with some friends from highschool that I hadn't seen in years. One of the friends was a woman whom I went to church with during part of my teen years. I told her I was a Unitarian when she asked about my church life; I was scared to be involved in this conversation with her. I was a youth evangelist, and knew the horrors of being subjected to critical behavior. It was enough to appease her, and I haven't talked to her since. If I knew more then and was braver, I would have told her the truth. I'm Atheist. I don't believe there is just ONE GOD or MANY GODS. I believe people, though, should be aloud to decide without persecution PERIOD. I'm not interested getting into heated debate. Matter of factly, I am fine listening to a Pro-Lifer about the non-religious reasons for an abortion NOT to be performed. But once someone throws religion into the mix, I've zoned out.

We are so far from being equals and having freedom of choice that it is amazing that we are where we are in the world. There will always be a color issue, there will always be a religion issue, there will always be a gender issue, and there will always be a sexual preference issue. Until someone can look past my exterior and appreciate and respect my values and morals as much as their own, we'll never truly be equals or free.

So I haven't decided about the Scarlet A. I'll tell you right now though, I'll be damned if I am going to a Meet-Up for any Space Coast Atheist Group at Disney World!

No time for Procrastination

2007-09-07T21:02:00.001-04:00

Only a little break.

We're having our ONE and ONLY yard sale tomorrow! I have worked my tail off for the last hour while Shanee popped down to Office Depot to grab some signs. We are definitley organized, aren't we? Always waiting until the last minute!

Oh well. 1 week from today and we will be in the new house!! Well, moving in at least!

I like her style...

2007-09-03T14:24:00.001-04:00

Blue Bathroom, Concisely
Originally uploaded by pinklovesbrown

So I'm diggin how Nicole Balch from Pink Loves Brown and >Making It Lovely designs. She uses photoshop to place her pieces together and pulls more in to coordinate. I think I want to do the same, and I will!!

Oh, how lovely...

2007-09-01T23:32:00.001-04:00

Originally uploaded by marriedabrit

Did I tell you that I am moving in 2 weeks? Two weeks from today actually. I haven't moved in 5 years and I hate it. I hate even thinking about it. I am even procrastinating by doing other things like figuring out how to decorate this new house. We aren't buying it, we are leasing it. We may purchase the house in 7 months which I would LOVE because it is a nice house. It has lots of potential, and room for growth. We could easily get it once my husband get's full-time at work and he is no longer adjunct.

The mosaic was made with this pretty awesome tool, Mosaic Maker. Yea it's pretty awesome. Yea.

We watched Jimmy Neutron with my daughter and the neighbor kid for the 4th time. It is still hilarious. I know I am a goober.

Oh did I mention that I might actually for real have ADHD (like here) Inatentive. Yea that is super. No wonder I am so scatter brained. I might be going on drugs soon. Isn't that awesome. I'm so excited, can you hear the sarcasm in my voice? This person, who happens to be a therapist and I were talking about how my Daughter's school tested her and then said yes she was ADHD-I. I was pissed because I felt that they hadn't even watched her enough - so this therapist was talking to me and suggested that I get tested because normally the kids get it from their parents. Great. Abso-Frelling Great.

So yea. I'm not going to be able to make it through this move. Oh and then there is school...
Oh geez... here we go again.

Ignoring You

2007-09-01T01:56:00.000-04:00

I'm sorry.
I'm ignoring you.
Not because I hate you.
Because I have a disorder that does not allow me to respond.

I just have nothing to say.
I think it might also be because I'm ashamed.

But then there you have it.
It's like Peanut Butter and Tuna on rye; it's just not right.

Snow Cake and Comic Book Scrabble [REDO]

2007-08-28T09:55:00.000-04:00

I saw this movie last night,

so awesome. I saw it at the Enzian

In the movie, Alex (Alan Rickman) and Linda (Sigourney Weaver) are playing scrabble, Comic Book Scrabble! So they are using words like Kabloom and POW, and it is awesome. I myself have found my love of comics coming back. When we went to Clearwater Last weekend (08/17-19) we made a special trip to this very yummy restaurant, Laziz a very Authentic Indian Food! Right next door was Emerald City Comics. So mi familia and I waltz in and took a look-see and left owing them $45 :) Here are the things I purchased and am forever grateful, FELL VOLUME 1: FERAL CITY, Battlestar Galactica for the SciFi Freak in me, and another one that was the third in a series of series about Asian American Life, very hip called optic nerve by Adrian Tomine - ~~can't find the name because I loaned it to my neighbor, will have to add later~~.

So this weekend has been good so far... and I hope the week that follows is just as awesome. But I won't get my hopes up...

I want...

2007-08-27T22:25:00.000-04:00

Project: Our Bodies

2007-08-14T22:15:00.000-04:00

I've just thought of something.

I have an art project that I want to do. I want to do a visual representation of women's views of their bodies, and possilby mens' too. Not men's views on their bodies, but their womens bodies.

I will have to do this over some interviewing and possible other things.

numbness

2007-08-12T23:14:00.001-04:00

Me: It's numbing isn't it?
Inner Voice: well it shouldn't be, why do you say that.
Me: because there they are, just there in front of us and nothing.
Inner Voice: what do you mean nothing?
Me: i mean they are still there.
Inner Voice: who?
Me: you know who.
Inner Voice: no, I've not got a clue crazy girl.
Me: people.
Inner Voice: ok.
**pause**
Inner Voice: ok, so let me understand this - you are telling me that they is people?
Me: yes.
Inner Voice: which people?
Me: hungry people.
Inner Voice: well if they are hungry why don't they eat?
Me: they can't, they spent their last change on smack or booze
Inner Voice: what?!?! how could you possibly know this?
Me: well I don't, I'm assuming
Inner Voice: well you shouldn't assume, especially if you have nothing to base it on.
Me: well I do have something to base it on.
Inner Voice: really, care to share?
Me: i said it before
Inner Voice: you're going to have to repeat it, i've forgotten already
*sigh*
Me: they are hungry.
Inner Voice: yes we've established that, they are hungry and they've nothing to eat - how do you know why?
Me: if they didn't spend their money on an addiction they wouldn't be hungry, they wouldn't be cold, they wouldn't seek shelter.
Inner Voice: oh.
**pause**
Inner Voice: what are we meant to do about it?
Me: I don't know, that is why it is so numbing, the more and more i think about things the more irritated i get and then i'm so tired of thinking and being mad i am just numb.
Inner Voice: what things?
Me: human rights.
Inner Voice: human rights? but you have rights.
Me: well certain rights, but not a complete set
Inner Voice: oh, what rights are you missing?
Me: the right to life, liberty, pursuit of happiness.
Inner Voice: you spelled happiness wrong.
Me: you're weird.
Inner Voice: you sure can talk
**pause to kick stones**
Inner Voice: this sounds heavy, want to get into right now?
Me: no, i'm too numb.

Ever felt the need

2007-08-12T22:47:00.000-04:00

To completely clean? I mean PURGE?

Over the next two weeks I am planning a massive purge of the room that was to become my studio and has turned into a storage room of crap.

In two weeks I will have a nice clean area to work in. With very little furniture and a lot of space to create.

Exciting.

Dear Minneapolis

2007-08-01T20:59:00.000-04:00

I am so sorry.

I know you have had some people go. I don't know what to say. I am so sorry.

For all the parents who just don't know. I am so sorry. I wish I could hug you all, get all of you coffee and tea, maybe pour some bourbon. Get you blankets, rub your backs, hold your hands, grab the Kleenex, and do whatever I can do to help you, even if that meant just being there.

For all those who may have gotten hurt. I wish I could be there to bandage your wounds and hold your hands. I am so sorry.

I do not understand why tragedies like this happen. I will never know. If it comforts you to hold tightly on to your faith, please do so. You all are in my thoughts.

Land of Canaan, WV

2007-07-29T23:23:00.000-04:00

It is 1123 pm. I am sitting at a kitchen table in a town home on vacation in West Virginia. Yes. I said that right. This Florida girl went to WV for vacation :) Nice.

Hey guys, I have something to tell you. There is nothing here. I mean if you are used to stores and outlet malls and places to go to, this is not the place for you. I am about 3000 miles up, and in the middle of nowhere. But hey, it is completely majestic and absolutely beautiful.

What the hell am I doing up at 1126pm? Why aren't I sleeping? I can't. I'm ancy. I'm thinking, I had something I wanted to talk about, and I forgot. I need a drink, water would be nice. Let me tell you the water up here is so soft, it look like sludge. You can't wash the soap off your body! It is weird, but my hair is loving it. If you have afro hair, you should totally wash with softwater, it makes it really soft and managable.

Oh yea. I want to be a hair stylist. I just saw this awesome article in the a travel magazine about norway. I want to own a salon and do hair. I could do that for 20 years. Shanee could make bookoo bucks and I could bank all mine. I have shit for style right now, but I think that is because I hate what I do and don't give a crap about impressing the people around me. Isn't that sad. I just always have imagined having a wicked style. I am pretty sure I do, but dunno where it is. I've locked it away in a closet.

I miss my husband. He isn't here with me because he had to work. My dad is being an asshole about 50% of the time because he has such a short fuse. I would have rather have taken the week off to spend with my girl at home than listen to him. He gets so mad about nothing and it drives my step-mom crazy and I just can't deal. It has only been day 2. I feel like if I have to listen to his shit for another day, I just don't want to go anywhere with him. I would rather leave. Isn't that sad?

Yea.

But my Hana Banana seems to be having fun, and I can't dissappoint her.

Ciao Lovelies.

My Hana Banana

2007-07-16T19:36:00.001-04:00

I made some goodies

2007-07-07T00:33:00.001-04:00

Listening to: A Nervous Tick Motion of the Head to the Left, Andrew Bird
:on my hot pink iPod shuffle.

www.flickr.com

It's time to say good bye

2007-07-05T18:49:00.001-04:00

I'm pretty intro-spective and self-analyzing. If you've been a blog-reader of mine, you'll know that I self-indulge on myself a lot. Basically I'm not happy in my life and I do certain things to correct it. Sometimes I struggle because I want something but I want to keep something else and I know I have to give up one for the other.

One of those things is destructive relationships. It is time to say good-bye to one, once and for all. It is hard because I always check up on her, thinking I will know what to say when the time is right. I'll lay it all out on the table and tell her to accept it, when I know in my heart that will never happen because I will never tell her. Not that I'm chicken, I'm not. I can be the most blunt person you know, I speak without thinking A LOT. I let my moral compass do a lot of the talking. But I suppose there comes a time when you have expected to change and they don't. And then you have to ask why and realize it was because the change was for you, not them. We always know that those people could be so much more if they just didn't...<___> fill in the blank.

The truth is, it isn't for me to decide which path a person is supposed to follow. And even though I have strong convictions that contradict their life, it is their life and I must respect it or remove myself.

I think there are certain situations in which people need to stand up for themselves. And I have done that before, I am also about to do it again. But, there are also situations that require us to just walk away. And so...

Goodbye Tonya.

-J.

Tiara Swap Success Pt. 2 of 2

2007-07-05T10:12:00.001-04:00

Tiara from Amy
Originally uploaded by marriedabrit

So this is the FANTASTIC tiara that I got from Amy! My fantastic swap partner! She is also the host to the blog Crafting by Candlelight. I love it!

She even made me this awesome tag on top of the great giftwrap,

Christina Ricci IS Alice Originally uploaded by marriedabrit

Again, special thanks to Holly from Holly Doodle Designs!! This was so much fun!!

What is going on?

2007-07-04T11:34:00.000-04:00

Sparklee.com

What the heck am I doing home? It is a great day outside, no sign of rain. We've been invited to a resort with a mini-water park and I'm the only one not there, I'm sitting in the house all by my lonesum.

Well I'm achey folks. The bottom half of my body feels like it has been turned into a pretzel and I'm not in the mood to do much moving. So I sent the familia off to have fun while I can get things done around the house. We might go bowling or to a movie later, but I really can't see myself moving around much. Though I'm sure the pool would have helped, I'm not one for huge crowds of people. I get very anxious, especially when I can't see my child. But I put the fear of GOD into her step-daddy whom she sometimes calls Daddy and he gets such a kick out of. So I know she'll be fine.

My feet are really hurting, not sure if its my sandals or what, I might have to switch to ortho's for a while. I'm successfully losing weight, which is what I really need to do because my poor knees and feet can't really support me anymore. Ihave weird bone structure that makes me believe that I am thinner than normal, but truthfully I am A LOT bigger. That's ok though.

Random moment: I am completely in love with the following things
A. My Husband and Daughter
B. David Bowie
C. Arcade Fire, http://www.arcardfire.com
D. Traveling

So anyway, have a great day. i'll probably be posting more throughout the day...

Tiara Swap Success Pt. 1 of 2

2007-06-29T20:15:00.001-04:00

crown
Originally uploaded by maenad25

This is part one of two parts because I need to upload the pictures of the Tiara that my cool swap partner Amy made for me.

The one in the picture is the one I made for her. It has a mexican folk art influence and I used a famous female artist, Frida Kohla.

I'm glad Amy liked it, I really enjoyed this swap.

Thanks to Holly Doodle and the AWESOME Tiara Swap. If you haven't seen it before, go and check out the awesome and inspiring tiara's!!

Can't wait to do another one!

xoxo
Jus

I love Swapping

2007-06-19T14:40:00.000-04:00

Even though I did a crap job at the last one, girls I promise it will be in the mail TOMORROW!

I have a pretty cool partner, Amy. She is getting something that not too many other swappers are making. They pretty much are using the same theme, cute and whimsy. But she loves Mexican Folk Art and Bright Primary Colors. Sorry, but you can't get too whimsical there.

To be honest I have been designing for a few days now and haven't really put anything together. I'm going to get my neighbor to go with me tonight so that I can get some things I am missing.

In case Amy is reading this I will list some of the items I still need:
tissue paper
glitter
nah... that's all I'm going to say :)

PS
I am only 40 more away from 200 posts. At that point, I'm having a party!!!!!!!!!!!

Woo Hoo!!

#160 better be special

2007-06-14T16:45:00.000-04:00

I don't know why I always feel that even numbers are better than odd, probably because it means you are at the end of something.

This is #159... not 160

When I was younger I had a crush on Rob Lowe. I didn't really HAVE to watch any particular TV show. I do now. I am completely hooked.

The Office. I have a crush on Jim and Pam's relationship. Probably because I had one of those. Then I married him :) I just am on the edge of my seat about it.

PS
Totally LOVE The Arcade Fire, No Cars Go

ciao
xoxo

Inspired

2007-06-12T23:26:00.000-04:00

this was inspired by the black apple blog. Thanx.

drawn whilst watching BBC's coupling season2

Monday Mosaics #1

2007-06-11T21:15:00.000-04:00

If you remember my previous post about Ali Edwards' cool Monday Mosaics blog post, you will remember that I stole that idea and kinda made it my own :)

These are pictures from my life for the week of 06/05/07 - 06/10/07.

I Secretly Wish...(long post)

2007-06-07T19:55:00.000-04:00

When I was younger, it was all about making a statement. Telling off the world and basically challenging the status quo. I was all about making an impact. I did this with the way I dressed, my hair, who I hung out with, the music I listened to, my journaling. I secretly wanted to move to San Fran and then NYC to experience what it was like to stand up for something I thought was right.

When I was 14 I was the editor of Tomahawk News, Edgewood Jr High's newspaper. I wrote an article on teen sex and abortion rates. I was also a member of the local 5000 member baptist church down the road. I felt it was a problem. I felt like the Sex Education in my school was non-existant, because it was. And I felt like my church was manipulating women into believing things that were wrong. Needless to say I was sent to the Dean and then the Principal. And while they agreed with me, they didn't believe that those types of articles belonged in an educational institution. So I gave them an ultimatum; take the article out and I quit.

I quit. I was astonished and I felt let down by the very institution that was supposed to be giving me the tools so that I could make decisions in my life that were healthy. I decided to stage a protest. I made a sign that said, Freedom of Speech only exists outside these walls. I was too chicken to actually protest. I was chicken because we were poor and I didn't need my single mother to worry about anything else that I had done. I became solemn the last year of my life there and then moved to a completely different school where I knew 10 people.

Then there was highschool. My junior year, I joined the key-club. And to this day I still don't know what we did. But Thanksgiving that year, I worked at a grocery store and asked my manager if he would donate some food to a project that we were working on. He donated almost $5000 in food. We delivered the baskets during school to families in need within my neighborhood (I still live in that neighborhood). And I got in trouble. Almost expelled. Almost suspended because I shot my mouth of to a dean. I accused her of being racist. She was a black woman. I accused her of favoritism. I accused her of many things which she did not like at all. But I won. I never got suspended or expelled. I held my ground and did not give up. I still don't know why I got in trouble, but I will tell you that I never felt so good about it in my entire life.

I secretly wish I could still do that. I wish I could look someone in the face and tell them exactly what I think of them. But things get complicated when you get older. The first thing that comes to mind is the outcome and the consequences of our actions. If I tell someone off at work, it will come back to my manager and then ultimately make me look bad. If I tell off a parent who is profusely beating their child in public, I'm told to mind my own business and not tell them how to discipline thier child. If I see a 12 year old look like she's ready to be pimped out, I'm told off by her mother. If I make negative comments toward my state and national representatives, I am afraid they will revoke my husbands greencard and send him back to the UK.

Man, that is one fuct up life.

I have started to fall in love with protest art again. While I think that scrapbooking and jewelry making and ATC swapping are great and I enjoy each aspect of them, I have to ask myself - is it art or is it a consumable. What is art? A former friend once told me Art is anything the invokes an emotion. But I have to disagree now. I think art is something that makes a statement, whether it is about the artist or about current events or about pop culture etc, it is something that says something. Hence the saying, a painting is worth a thousand words.

I'm not ready to go renegade. But I'm ready to start making noise again.

There she goes, there she goes again...

Edited 06/07/07 8:57pm
Just because I questioned if certain projects were art or consumables, doesn't mean I still don't like to do them. PS What if they are creatives, oooh that's another way to look at it still!
-J.

Number 155

2007-06-04T11:46:00.000-04:00

Today is my 155th post.

Can you freakin believe it??

I can't!

Ok, am totally stealing this idea from Ali Edwards, but only cuz I love her fabulous ideas. And I am not stealing it completely, just the idea of it.

She's doing this thing called Monday Mosaics. Here is her latest one, check out the link too.

It seems that she searches out some fabulous images from the net or more specifically on flickr. So this gave me the greatest idea. I want to do a weekly review in the form of images! I mean my own. Starting today :) Monday through Sunday, and then the next monday I will post them kinda like Ali did, obviously mine won't be called Monday Mosaics... I'll have to figure that one out! Or shoot me some ideas or suggestions!

Gotta run and get my memory stick cleared off!

Ciao Bellas!

Naughty

2007-06-03T11:57:00.000-04:00

I've been so naughty. I joined this fabulouso swap that Tammy Gilley hosted and recieved some magnificent tags! And mine are still sitting on my dining room table to be sent.

See I've been busy! Not that this is any excuse, though it really is. But I have had the craziest month of MAY in my whole life :) I will explain:
1. Big trip to St. Louis in which I was a speaker at an association that I belong too.
2. Got home from trip picked up DD and headed for camping trip in St. Petersburg (KOA) it was fabulous! (will post pictures later)
3. Came home had a week to adjust and get back on track and catch up on all things crazy.
4. Had to fly out a week later to Houston to present to my company CIO (go jus go jus)
5. Had to fly back early because DH had to have surgery on his knee ASAP
6. Spent week plus nursing and working and playing mommy
7. Weekend's here and I'm SO exhausted

So the moral of this story is... I need some MAD time management skills :)

But alas, I promise I will mail out those tags tootsweet ch'all. Promises!

Ciao you naughties :)

I might freak out if...

2007-06-01T12:43:00.000-04:00

I cared.

I do care.

But I decided that I was going to change up my blog, fix some errors that PCr's get with IE. And well, i wrote over the whole thing. Links, images, everything.

Whatever.

It's Friday! I can't complain!
I've got big plans ~ so no worries mate.

Ciao.

Be not afraid

2007-05-27T14:52:00.000-04:00

A post to myself.

Be not afraid Justiss, you are meant to be exactly who you are.
Be not afraid Justiss to explore who you are everyday.
Be not afraid Justiss to discover new ways of being you.
Be not afraid Justiss to reinvent yourself.
Be not afraid.

To be continued.

Insomniac and Cereal

2007-05-27T03:23:00.001-04:00

I haven't had insomnia for quite sometime, for almost a year AT LEAST.

Sleep deprivation is the worst because all you do is think. Well at least that is all I do, think think think. Or watch TV and I'm not in the mood to watch TV. Oh yea, and you're not sleeping. . . ever.

I have insomnia because I had MAD heartburn and I'm raggin and to be honest I don't think I have had a free moment to myself since I got back from Houston. So I am totally embalming myself in solitude.

Some people are mad clean freaks when they can't sleep. I am not. I like to immerse myself in brain activity - like surfing the internet. I might actually go watch a movie, since the fam is asleep. Too bad I can't have coffee... WAIT who said I can't?

See that's the thing I hate about being a responsible adult/wife/mother. The selfishless responsibility!!! Especially when they are sleeping and I am awake :) Tis ok. I only get like this when I haven't had any me time.

Alright, off to watch Buffalo 66 and dream of opening a shop, becoming a photographer, and selling sweets and pastries.

Conducive Lifestyle: Long Post

2007-05-24T10:18:00.000-04:00

Ramblings Really Today.

I'm back from Houston early as my husbands Ortho doctor insisted he have surgery today and not wait! So, off I flew to be here and hold down the fort for the family :)

When I travel to Houston for work, I never really spend a lot of time focusing on anything much. I normally spend A LOT of time working, even when I am back at my hotel room. I don't usually go out much or sight see or shop, because there really isn't much to do unless I go into the City, and I'm really not that interested or I am just so super busy!

So I am spending most of my day in the Barnes and Noble Starbucks with my 8 year old, my well behaved 8 year old. She's the greatest. Plus the fact that this B&N has a really cool Thomas the Train playset that she loves, plus stuffed animals, horses, and jumbo sized cookies. AND Grandma let her borrow the portable DVD player to keep herself entertained. Of course AFTER she purused several Pirate books.

I have worked as much as I am able to right now. Mostly just responding to emails and attending telecon meetings via SKYPE and I am sure that I look hilarious with my USB headset/mic on. But I don't care, those people aren't paying me. Well I did have to pay $3.99 for 2 hours of internet which is complete CRAP :) But I am an addict, what can I say.

I said something a few posts ago about my job. "... and honestly other than the great pay and the benefits - my job means nothing to me." Well I don't think that is entirely true. I mean it is a great paying job yes and for the most part the benefits are great - so why did I say that my job means nothing to me? Maybe that isn't what I meant to say? Well let's get something straight, I am completely bored by my job. Would I be happier doing something else, yes. Has that something else presented itself to me, yes. Is it worth leaving this job to pursue it? Don't know yet.

So I did some deep thinking. Ok, am doing it too. I'm thinking that while I am bored and if I left I wouldn't be incredibly sad only because I think I would be leaving for better things, I do think I need to be more grateful. Almost 3 years ago I started this job as a temp, a single mom, and a crappy car. I have had a long history of bad decisions and mistakes that I obviously wasn't learning from, but at this point I had a real reason to keep this job no matter how much my ADD lifestyle couldn't take it. I couldn't rely on my ex-husb and I was trying to bring my fiance into America. So much was lying on my shoulders and for a brief moment I felt very much like an adolescent trying to be an adult. Brief like biblical brief. A year.

I worked as a temp for a year. Then I was hired on full time. And have been full time, with a HUGE increase in pay and benefits for almost 2 years. And yet I seem to only be complaining. I've got to stop it. I've got to find and tout all the glorious and wonderful things about the job and the place that I absolutely ADORE and LOVE. I need a Mantra.

I'm not really a mystics believer. I'm more logical but kinda a weirdo. I believe in Energy. If I put out waves then those waves will come back. So if I put out negativity, then all I will be able to get back is negativity....

Oooo deep.

Podcasts and Daycare

2007-05-17T15:34:00.000-04:00

So, I totally am ANNOYED with my daughter's educare person. I don't think I could get a word in egde-wise[sic]. I hate that more than anything! I also hate the fact that she kept interrupting me!!! AGGHHHHHHHHHH!

But, I have done another podcast and am SOOOO happy :)

PS
It is thursday today :)
Know what that means?

http://girlhysterical.podbean.com/

Right Now

2007-05-16T20:33:00.000-04:00

(Right now) Hey! It's your tomorrow
(Right now) Come on, it's everything
(Right now) Catch that magic moment
And do it right, right now (Right now)
Oh, right now! - Van Halen

I just finished a pickle sandwich. So yummy and simple.

Found some awesome pdf FREE art magazines at PDF Mags they are so inspirational.

Trying to get through my video podcast this week so I can upload it - am reviewing magazines and some thrift store stuff.

Got a quick taste of what it may be like to do what I wanna, what I really wanna...

Going to watch scrubs...

Oh yea, had planned to write this whole long post about my life and blah blah blah, but I'm just not feel'n it. Ya Digg?

Life: Out of Focus

2007-05-15T09:44:00.000-04:00

Had a great time in St. Louis and then camping again in St. Petersburg.

Now I am back.

Everytime I leave my home for a long period of time I come back deep in thought and I go through the motions; am I happy, is this what I want to do with my life, am I fulfilled??

What I realized HARD and FAST that though I love to travel, I miss my daughter terribly when I do. I feel like she should be enjoying this as much as I do. I think that is why we are going to be camping so much this summer, we can travel inexpensively. I also think about the message I am sending to her when I am gone, and honestly other than the great pay and the benefits - my job means nothing to me.

I was flattered when my manager said she could see that I was management material, but honestly the only thing I could see managing would be a store that sold really cool art stuff :) That won't pay the bills, that is for sure :)

What now?

When do I get to live my dreams? Oh yea, that came up too. Someone asked me about my dream last week, I couldn't tell them because I didn't know. But when I got home I realized what I wanted to do. I wanted to stay at home and be with Hana all the time, not to play but to learn and explore and create. I only have one child, I wish I had more, but I can't expect to bring another child into this world when my world for the past 8 years has been incredibly crazy it just wouldn't be fair. But I realize so many things now that I want and I just don't know how to balance them. I am afraid I may only be able to focus on one thing at a time.

Having been depressed for so long has hindered my ability to truly seek out what I want. I take two steps toward it and can't finish the journey, I don't go back I just set up shop and settle. What I have done in the past, and the recent past even, is do something to sabotage myself in finding my way or getting to my dream instead of just heading out to my dream! No more!

No more.

:)

Happy May Day!

2007-05-01T08:10:00.001-04:00

My May Basket!
Originally uploaded by marriedabrit.

I was so enthused to be part of a swap hosted by Kari, aka Artsy Mama I was partnered up with Felicia Fluffy Flowers and this is the wonderful basket that she sent me!

I love it!

I hope she recieved hers in time too!

I had a great time with this and can't wait to do another one with Kari again!!

2 things about me

2007-04-29T18:52:00.000-04:00

1. I am an emotional eater. Snarfed down two huge french toasts, two egg beaters, sausage and bacon and two cups of coffee at Denny's for a late lunch all because I was PISSED (not drunk).

2. Mia Howard inspired me to put back up my picture of a crow that I did because of my love for all things Poe.

I think I am going to start collecting them :)

Technology Vs. Nature = end of life

2007-04-28T11:22:00.000-04:00

Albert Einstein once said that if the bees disappeared, "man would have only four years of life left".

...The theory is that radiation from mobile phones interferes with bees' navigation systems, preventing the famously homeloving species from finding their way back to their hives. Improbable as it may seem, there is now evidence to back this up.

Colony Collapse Disorder (CCD) occurs when a hive's inhabitants suddenly disappear, leaving only queens, eggs and a few immature workers, like so many apian Mary Celestes. The vanished bees are never found, but thought to die singly far from home. The parasites, wildlife and other bees that normally raid the honey and pollen left behind when a colony dies, refuse to go anywhere near the abandoned hives. [more...]

Is communication ruining our way of life? Will addicts of the blackberry and mobile phone usage be willing to give up this form of communication? Will regular phones come back and email be used more?

Are you willing to give up your cell to save life? Global Warming has nothin on the mysterious dissappearnce of bees.

~gh~

What I am making

2007-04-26T07:00:00.000-04:00

I am completely at peace when I create, which is amazing that I get so scatter brained all other times!

Here is my current project that I hope to finish today, as long as I can find box feet at Michaels.

Will show more pictures when I get them!!

I totally have ADHD

2007-04-24T11:55:00.000-04:00

Yep, diagnosed too. So I shouldn't get too upset about the fact that I set myself up for failure with the create art everyday challenge!!!

But, I do.

So I will try again, and this time for a shorter period of time :)
1 week.

I had a great weekend, and wish it was the weekend forever :)
Here are some pictures of my weekend camping at the KOA in St. Petersburg FL, sometimes I love that I live here in Florida.

So nice.
Hope yours was a good weekend too :)
-J-

No Knitting Video

2007-04-15T10:45:00.000-04:00

I wasn't able to visit the library to video some fantastic young girls knitting, but I was about to find a really cool video on youtube, so I am putting it on here, it is about 10 minutes long. Don't forget to listen to my podcast!!

Happy Friday the 13th

2007-04-13T21:31:00.001-04:00

Make Art Daily Drawing #1 (04/13/07)
Originally uploaded by marriedabrit.

So here is my first of many Make Art Daily Challenges!

I actually swiped this idea from http://www.artwordsclan.blogspot.com/. But I added a poem to it.

I was putting a bit of pressure on myself to get this one done and well, I just ended up doing what came naturally. I'm not that good at drawing things, as my art teacher once said to me - you have such a talent for abstract Justiss! I guess that was a clue that I wasn't going to be much good at form :) That is ok!

I've also joined ArtsyMama's May Basket Swap and am SUPER EXCITED to have Felicia of Fluffy Flowers as my partner! Niether of us have done a 'May' specific basket before so it will be awesome to see what we conjure up for one another! Well I am off to study for my big math test tomorrow! Wish me luck! I hate college!!!!! :)

Have a great weekend!!!

Make Art Daily

2007-04-12T12:27:00.000-04:00

I don't really have that many iFollowers, and that is ok. This challenge is really just for ME, but if you are lurking and you want to explore it too, then by all means challenge yourself.

So for the rest of the month starting tomorrow, I am going to challenge myself to make some sort of art every day even if it just a doodle, but it HAS to be a complete work!

Can I live up to the challenge? We'll see I will post everyday!

J.

Stop talking about it and

2007-04-10T22:03:00.000-04:00

Just do it

Stop sitting around moping about why you can't do this and you can't do that!

Just do it!

Stop being cautious!

What will happen huh??? Will you die?? Nah!!! Just do it!!!

Stop being a sissy! Just do it!!

MetroMint WHAT?!?!?!

2007-04-10T09:30:00.000-04:00

So my neighbor, Brit turned me on to the greatest tastiest water since water!
You can add it to a lot of things to make it tasty. And the greatest part is that it doesn't taste minty going down, just afterwards. It is like an awesome aftertaste, kind of like when you just finished chewing minty gum!

Try it, I am sure you will LOVE IT.

In Response

2007-04-09T19:11:00.000-04:00

To the questions posed by Kari Ramstrom of ArtsyMama here on Create a Connection: Dialog Day: ArtFest and the Creative Process

When are your juices flowing the best…alone or with a group?
My creative juices flow when I am surrounded by creative people or creative things or in a creating setting. I like to brainstorm and then from there be on my own to create more personal things.

How does creating with others affect your process?
It helps. I think that I feed a lot off of others and I am able to take little bits from everyone and make it my own or store it in my mental toolbox for another day or project. I feel energized like that and can't wait until I can start creating.

I think it’s healthy to create in different settings. Shakes things up a bit from the usual comfort zone of your own little bubble. Do you keep your art/craft completely to yourself or do you share it?
I like to share it by having workshops at my house, then my friends and I can experience art in the making together. I also love taking art classes and going to workshops where I might learn more.

How does sharing it make you feel?
Good. It makes me feel like I need to keep doing it.

Does having a little bit of fear help you push past those boundaries of the ordinary?
When I am scared of something creative, I lock up. It takes quite a bit of internal pushing to get myself over it. I always feel that way when starting something new, I'm afraid I am going to mess it up. But then I remind myself that it is OK to mess it up! Infact, I thrive to mess it up then!!

Thanks Kari for posting these questions! They are eye-opening!

Ciao Bellas

Easter

2007-04-08T22:36:00.000-04:00

On Easter we didn't have my daughter because she was at her dads, but I made some cool art!!! I'll post pictures...

I really had a great time making this, and I know it will evolve! But this is my goal, to

Hope your Easter was great too!

Float On

2007-04-08T09:53:00.000-04:00

I needed to hear this, this morning. Had a great day yesterday, that turned into a shitty night.

Modest Mouse

"Float On"

I backed my car into a cop car the other day
Well he just drove off sometimes life's ok
I ran my mouth off a bit too much oh what did I say
Well you just laughed it off it was all ok

And we'll all float on ok
And we'll all float on ok
And we'll all float on ok
And we'll all float on any way well

Well, a fake Jamaican took every last dime with that scam
It was worth it just to learn from sleight-of-hand
Bad news comes don't you worry even when it lands
Good news will work its way to all them plans
We both got fired on the exactly the same day
Well we'll float on good news is on the way

And we'll all float on ok
And we'll all float on ok
And we'll all float on ok
And we'll all float on alright
Already we'll all float on
Now don't you worry we'll all float on
Alright already we'll all float on
Alright don't worry we'll all float on

And we'll all float on alright
Already we'll all float on
Aliright don't worry even if things end up a bit to heavy
We'll all float on alright
Already we'll all float on
Alright already we'll all float on
Ok don't worry we'll all float on
Even if things get heavy we'll all float on
Alright already we'll all float on
Don't you worry we'll all float on
All float on

Keepsake Box Craft Workshop

2007-04-05T08:00:00.000-04:00

This is my inspiration.

Class will be held on May 19th from 1pm until about 3pm, however long it takes us!

I will be supplying most of the items needed, including the boxes. There is a small fee which I will post later once I have made my purchases, luckily though AC Moore has all their unfinished wooden boxes on sale 50% off! So I will get quite a deal. We will all be doing pretty much the same thing, with the same papers and paints and what nots, but feel free to bring your own embellishments too!

*Please remember I do not do this for profit, I do it for fun. I love getting together with my friends and making things whilst drinking tea, coffee, and whatever else is in my cupboard.

~~I will post the link to the evite as well, as soon as I get it!~~

Ciao, bellas.

Holy Lug Nuts Batman!

2007-04-02T06:08:00.000-04:00

Brevard County has a roller derby! And these girls look like bad-a## biznitches!

I wanna go! Can I can I??

Maybe after I drop the first 100lbs, I might even want to join??? No!

How cool is that!

Saturday let down

2007-03-30T19:48:00.000-04:00

Tomorrow I was supposed to have coffee with some very cool friends of mine, Angela and Liz. We were going to meet at the coolest bakery and cafe in Titusville, Sunrise Bakery

But everyone has had to cancel. I'm bummed because I can't see my friends :/ and my car is in the shop overnight! So, that sucks also!

If you are ever in Titusville, FL, the Sunrise Bakery is the place to go for great coffee, a lively atmosphere and some of the freshest bread in the world!

I guess I am forced to clean my studio!!!!!

Ciao
Bellas!

Things to do in St. Louis

2007-03-29T07:00:00.000-04:00

I will be traveling to St. Louis for a conference where I am speaking and I want to do some fun fun things. So my manager and I are going to be going to a Cardinals game! Woo Hoo! I love baseball. And there is this cute craft store I want to go to called Red Lead Paper Works. I don't know how far that is from the city, but if I can convince my manager to go with me, then that is definately a place that I would like to shop, er stop at :)

(... and I will definately be bringing my camera this time ...)

I have been doing some heavy thinking and trying to talk and calm myself down about life in general. I will post more later, when I am in the mood to discuss some more heavier items, but let me ask you this. Have you ever thought you were doing what you thought you would love and somehow everyone else knew that you were a fake and it has taken you a long time to prove it to yourself?

PS
Trying to save on milk this morning, I poured my leftover milk from my cereal bowl into my teacup and now my tea kinda sorta tastes like Honey Oat Cheerios. Yuck!

Ciao Bellas!

The Truth is

2007-03-28T09:00:00.000-04:00

I have gotten out of touch with myself and moved over to an area that doesn't make me happy, but which I have diluted myself. I want to leave and get back to where I was.

I am going to make that transition this weekend.

I want to spend more time on my art.
I want to eventually open my own little art boutique.

I want to stop being mad.

No you di'n

2007-03-26T21:12:00.000-04:00

Yes I did.

I stopped blogging for over a month. I can not even believe that. Who would have thought it. I loved blogging, almost on a daily basis. I am just as amazed - but then again not really. I have been doing some pretty bizare things lately... which I won't go into now, BUT I will say I have lots to talk about.

I went to Kansas City to visit my BFF Trish!!!!! Ahhh! I had the best time! It was great!
She just bought a house and it is so cute! I will be uploading pictures to my flickr account as soon as I download them off my camera.

I also got to go to this cool Craft store,
Urban Arts and Crafts and met the cutest funniest gal, Courtney!
She was great, she talked to Trish and myself for what seemed like hours! Such a cool place. I have been wanting to go since I saw them on Ali Edwards' blog. If you are ever in Kansas City, GO - You will not be disappointed! I wish I would have brought my camera that day, but alas!

Then we went downtown in horendous traffic and I kept saying that I smelt Grilled Cheese Sandwiches, and Trish kept telling me I was weird and that I just needed to tell my stomach to hold on until we got through the traffic. I know I was hungry, but I kept smelling them. Then we drove right past the
Folgers Coffee Plant.
Why in a million years I mistook coffee for grilled cheese I don't know, but it totally confirmed my love of coffee! PS, I borrowed the photo from this guy, ChrisM70.

Then we navigated our way through the worst traffic and then thought we took a bypass around it when we actually ALMOST ended up right back where we started! Fortunately my BFF who is road savvy found an alternate route and we were at the PLAZA!! Where we ate the most SCRUMPTIOUS Kansas City Bar-B-Que EVER! HERE -> Jack Stack BBQ! It was SO good! And did I mention it was scrumptious! I wish I could have brought some of it home!

So anyways!
I had a blast in Kansas City and next time hope to bring my whole family!

Ciao!

PS
I promise I will write more!

David Byrne's Musings

2007-02-18T14:30:00.000-05:00

http://journal.davidbyrne.com/2007/02/2707_free_will_.html

I just made the switch to help fight global warming

2007-02-10T16:08:00.000-05:00

Check this out - I just pledged to "Make the Switch" - by changing a normal light bulb to an energy-saving compact fluorescent light. Thousands of people are pledging, too.

The next generation of bulbs are better than the old ones and last up to 15 times longer. That saves money and global warming pollution.

In fact, if every household replaced just three 60-watt incandescent light bulbs with CFLs, we would reduce as much pollution as if we took 3.5 million cars off the roads!

Make your own pledge and help out in the fight to stop global warming:

http://www.environmentaldefense.org/page.cfm?tagid=483&campaign=mts

About Environmental Defense
Founded as Environmental Defense Fund, or EDF, in 1967, we are a nonpartisan, science-based organization. We find innovative, practical ways to solve the most urgent environmental problems, from pioneering efforts to eradicate DDT to cutting-edge work on hybrid trucks with FedEx.

Not Quite Sure

2007-02-05T19:42:00.000-05:00

What I was thinking when I left the house this morning.

For some reason I just assumed that I would be magically transported to a place of cosmic Euphoria, but then I soon woke up to the fact that I was living the hard cruel existence of my life - and that it wasn't going to magically transform just because I had this deep conversation with my husband about my goals in life and my regrets that I wasn't following them.

No.

I am a sad sorry loser.

I don't have a genie lamp to rub, nor a fairy godmother to bestow magical gifts to me to make everything all right. What I do have is a past of mistakes and an opportunity.

I can learn and I can grow or I can get pissy and boohoo and feel sorry for myself and dream and go old and regret.

Puts it all in Perspective

2007-02-05T06:15:00.000-05:00

I have just found out that my Cousin Bekah Nave is a business partner with INNOVE Events. How cool is that!

Here is a link to their grand opening INNOVE Events Grand Opening.

We aren't close cousins, I haven't seen her in years. But I am so excited for her!

So why does this put things in perspective?

Because.

I want to SO badly do the thing that I love the most, and I'm not. I envy my cousin for doing what she loves, giving it a go. She's young, educated, fashionable, and a willing participant in her dreams. So cool.

I had this deep DEEP conversation with my husband last night about this same thing. Did I mention he is super cool too? Yea, he totally rocks.

So anyway, one of the things I love most about him is that he listens and has an opinion. He sat there and listened to me for an hour and even when the tears started to stream and the mascara started to run, continued to listen to me. Didn't try to be a big man and fix it or solve it. Then he asked some serious hardcore questions about why I felt the way I did and he told me he supported me through it.

You see, my husband is ALSO living his dream. He wants to be a University Lecturer. He isn't a University Lecturer YET, but he is teaching University Courses and is planning on starting/earning his doctorate in Human Factors soon. So I have been jealous but happy. He loves what he does, he is passionate about what he does and can do.

So, in jist. Our conversation basically discovered that I am NOT HAPPY. So the first thing we are going to work on is, moving. Hate this house. Have tried and tried, but not willing to work it. Then little steps here and there. I'm excited. I have a future to look forward too. So Awesome.

Ciao.